By Monica M
Struck by the crazy number of suicide attempts in our little community, I approached Stana to do a series of guest blog posts in the hope that the more success stories we have out there, the less people will attempt suicide.
Our little community is between 0.1% and 1% of the population depending on how you count. 41% of us have attempted suicide and of the people who try, about a fifth succeed (our rate is 9 times the national average). To me this is unacceptable. It has to be stopped! But, how? These posts are my contribution to helping stem this tide of needless destruction.
The more we understand what makes us tick and the more we understand the stories of those who have successfully climbed the mountain, the more we can develop strategies to succeed ourselves. But it is important to be aware that “successfully” is a loaded word. There is no general transgender story, every transgender person's story is different and every person's definition of success is different... and to some degree, that is part of the problem.
Here is my story and my strategies and I hope that those people who are similar to me in approach can learn from my successes and my failures.
The Early Years
I was born into a large family of girls. This may have had some bearing on the outcome of my journey through life (Ya think?!). From early on, I have known that I really was or wanted to be a girl. My mother said that when I was 3 or 4 years old, I tried on her girdles in (what I thought!) was secret. I have no memory of this. It was an occasional memory that my mother dragged up. She died not knowing that I was transgender (well, if she did, she never let on!).
However, I do have an early memory of going to visit an aunt and uncle when I was about 5 or 6. I rambled off to explore the house while the adults were talking. I went through my aunt's underwear drawer and tried on some of her girdles. I think I had a thing about girdles back then. I have no recollection of how these girdles fitted me. I must have been swimming in them!
I also remember visiting a different aunt and uncle (and their kids) when I was about 11. Again I sneaked into my aunt's underwear drawer and took a girdle and a pair of nylons and locked myself in the bathroom to try them on. I was in the bathroom for so long that people were knocking on the door to get in. I had to come out, but, how? What would I do with the clothes? I stuffed nylons into the toes of my shoes and hid the girdle rolled up under my sweater.
How I managed to get away with these exploits is beyond me. But, herein is the first lesson: people only see what they want to see.
Next up, the teenage years.
Singers Roger Taylor, Peter Straker and Freddie Mercury
femulating in the 1992 1987 The Great Pretender music video.
Wearing Evan Picone.
Monica,
ReplyDeleteI think that the work that Stana does with her blog, her formal outreach programs and her femulating out and about are very helpful to the community as a whole and to the many individuals of whatever stripe of T they may be. I commend you for using her platform to add to the many wonderful narratives. I support your basic premise that it is better for the psyhic wel being of the members of the community and for the rest of society for people to get out and about and to mix with others. It is also important to share our 'developmental stories' as you seem to be doing. While no two roads are identical in origin, path or destination it is helpful to know that others have made the 'journey'.
To add to your narrative my mother often told the tale that when I was still in a stroller I had a fixation on touching woman's clothing, especially the silky scarves that women in the 1950s would wear. As the oldest son I was often the family baby sitter. It was at those times that I would raid my mother's drawers and try on her girdles, bras, stockings and dresses.
It is always reassuring to know that others have taken similar journeys to get to where we are today.
Thank you for your contributions and I thank Stana for giving you this forum.
Pat
You are welcome Pat, thank you for your comment.
DeleteMonica M
I agree Monica! No matter what our stories are, what degree of gender nonconformity we are, our stories need to be know. The integrity of being ourselves will lead to life's saved and I also believe more value added to all lives. Thank you Monica and thank you Stana! Keep pressing forward!
ReplyDeleteThank you Hollybnh I appreciate you connecting.
DeleteMonica M
Freddie Mercury died in 1991 so that is not him unless you have the date wrong.
ReplyDeleteStraker also appeared in a British film called "Boy stroke Girl" as a character named Jo, the black"girlfriend" of a young WASP man (Clive Francis) who brings Jo to his parents (Joan Greenwood, previously in Kind Hearts and Coronets, and Michael Hordern) for dinner The gimmick was we never learn if the androgynos Jo was male or female, and Straker was credited merely as "Straker" not to reveal his true birth gender, trying to play down the fact it was a coming out film.
ReplyDeleteYour statistics break my heart. No one should die because they feel and like to dress differently. As a woman, it touches my heart that there are men who want to value and nurture the feminine part of their nature, and celebrate it using fashion.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your generosity of spirit Iw, It truly is a terrible tragedy that people cannot be accepted for what they are.
DeleteMonica M