| I am very tired of maintaining a double identity. Compartmentalizing my life is work; I don't know how many brain cells I use trying to remember who knows what and how much they know. And I feel dishonest about it in a lot of ways. I am out to a lot of people and I have the green flag from my employer to come out at work. But I do not want to upset the applecart at home, so I will soldier on like Clark Kent and Diana Prince. |  |
Marie-Christine Bouvier, a beautiful femulator from Germany.
Wearing Rachel Pally (top), Tibi (skirt),
Loeffler Randall (bag) and Edmundo-Castillo (shoes).
Before I transitioned the stress from leading a double life I believe cause some of the medical problems that I have now. I was living my life as Diana for about 128 hours a week. I was basically “Diana” all but the 40 hours at work. As a result of my compartmentalizing my life I used to have four or five panic attacks a year once I transitioned I stopped having them. I also developed stress related heart problem that I continue to have.
ReplyDeleteThe worrying of being found out by someone at work and the pain of not being able to tell me friends at work what I did on vacation created all types of stress related problems that vanished on transitioning.
Unlike Superman and Wonder Woman whose secret identities could/should never become disclosed it seems in your case you are moving towards a merging of your two identities. I think that you are already a single personna but you do present with two identities. I think that both identities are nice people and that as you proceed forward that keeping them separate and keeping your stories straight will be less and less important.
ReplyDeletePax
Pat
I am going to tell you the original of Diana Prince from the original writer William Moulton Marston...1941...Diana dressed in Wonder Woman Costume...the reason she is wearing this outfit, it was common in 1941 for active wear the heart shape top and culottes or shorts...pants was not common for Women's wear. Red, White, Blue was the color of her outfit because Steve Trevor's military flag on his uniform...it was common practice in Rome and in Greece in 400 BC to wear the colors of another countries flag. Rome wanted to get to enter Greece, he or she would wear colors of Greece flag or have a Greece flag with him or her...She had just carried Steve Trevor to the hospital. She was walking around Washington DC, a woman with glasses appears to her, they both notice how much they looked exactly like accept the glasses..The woman appeared sad and distraught "Could you be me? I need you to be me....my husband is a Jew and a Scientist...he needs to be in South America..I cannot go with him until I find someone to be me...Wonder Woman was confused at first..to be you? I have to go undercover if I go with him and have new name...My name is Diana Prince..If leave this country with the help with FBI will have a new name...but they cannot find a lookalike to take my jobs place. Wonder Woman thought about I can be Diana Prince for you...she hands her keys to her apartment and to her job as Steve Trevor's secretary...No one realized This is not old Diana Prince but Princess Diana-Wonder Woman... She also had give her birth certificate, her social security...she told Wonder Woman, thank you and was never appeared back to USA, for she her name had been changed so she be with her husband who was Jew and Scientist hiding from the Nazi German....Wonder Woman could not obtain social security or birth certificate, she is over 5000 years old...she was born 400 BC...Queen Hippolyta was created by Homer. She was not born in the USA but in on island Aretias and their city Themysica.
ReplyDeleteDiana Prince was originally the name of an U.S. Army nurse who provided the primary alias for Princess Diana (Wonder Woman) of the Amazons. In January 1942, Princess Diana met Diana Prince, who was sobbing. When Wonder Woman asked her what was wrong, Prince explained that her fiance, Dan White, was in South America and she lacked the funds to go be with him. Noticing how similar they were in appearance, Wonder Woman paid Prince a large amount of money she had just earned from Al Kale's promotion of her bullets and bracelets routine; in exchange, Prince gave Wonder Woman her credentials and name
ReplyDeleteDiana Prince relinquished her legal name and began referring to herself by her married name Diana White, and Wonder Woman resumed using the Diana Prince identity
ReplyDeleteIn George Perez's Wonder Woman dropped Diana Prince and Wonder Woman told USA government, she was Princess Diana of Themysica...secret location. The Amazons do not want tourists....or need of exchange goods etc.
ReplyDeleteBalance the life you want. Place priorities where and when you need to. And constantly erode the mind set that male can't not ever be feminine.
ReplyDeleteBoo hoo hoo, woe is me, but Marci I don't want to hurt their feelings, it's okay you can always live your life the you want your second time around, if they let you. But aren't I being selfish?
ReplyDeleteSelfishness is a two street the almost always only goes in one direction.
I always enjoy seeing pictures of "gurls" posing behind a hotel door, never seeing or enjoying or living the only life they will ever have on this earth because they are afraid of someone seeing them or hurting a "loved" ones feeling.
If that works for you, have at it. But you can go and cry on somebody else's shoulder, I ran out of pity a long time ago.
I have but one live to live, and I am going to live my live the way I have to live it, if you don't like that you can go to hell.
I will not apologize to anyone for enjoying the only life I will be given! Life is too short to have regrets about what might have been, or wish that I could go back in time and do things differently.
So thank you for the invitation to your pity party, but I won't attending, as I will be busy living my life and not worrying about hurting the feelings of someone who at supposedly cares about me, or laying on my deathbed wishing I would have done what I want to do with my life.
I totally relate, since I am out to only two family members, and neither of them feels comfortable seeing me. So, I spend way too much time planning, just so I have some relaxing Lisa time!
ReplyDeleteAs someone who is not out to anyone, I think you're lucky. I would gladly put up with the extra work if I could be out to anyone.
ReplyDeleteIts great that you are out to someone. As someone who is still in the closet, I would gladly put up with more work if I could spend girl time with someone else.
ReplyDeleteDo what I do. Can the dishonesty about yourself, don't worry about it! Do what YOU want not what everyone else tells you.
ReplyDeleteBe an honest girl, (despite not being plumbed for that!) you'll feel much better about it in a lot of different ways! Maybe even more girly! Good luck and Godspeed!
I know exactly what you mean, Stana. Especially when visiting relatives, I have to be careful remembering who knows and who doesn't. IOW, what can be talked about and what can't.
ReplyDeleteLaurette
Wonder Woman has the right to be free to have job and be an American Citizen....Diana Prince is the only opportunity she has...it is not dishonesty, she cannot tell the truth she is 5000 years old. Aretias the island....is in Turkey and Themysica was capital of Aretias...it is in Turkey..Wonder Woman needs rights, freedom to be secret and to have her own life...as Wonder Woman, she has no money, no food, no job....even in the Justice League, they do not pay her...she begs and pleads.
ReplyDeleteQueen Hippolyta and the Amazons were written by Homer...which 400 BC...Wonder Woman-Princess Diana is her daughter created by statue this was written by William Moulton Marston the original creator in 1941....
ReplyDeleteToday Wonder Woman is daughter of Zeus and Queen Hippolyta...she was still born too many years ago.....not born twenty-five years ago...Hippolyta means horse in ancient Turkey. Queen Hippolyta is mortal...not an immortal...she died 5000 years ago under Homer.
Diana Prince was originally created by original creator William Moulton Marston so Wonder Woman could know American Lifestyle and freedom to wear clothes....or even make new costumes for her supernatural self Wonder Woman.
William Moulton Marston used the name Paradise Island in the Bermuda Triangle where it would be impossible to fine...even here no one would believe she lived in middle of Bermuda Triangle...
Diana Prince was completely mortal...she had become mortal until she wore her Amazon Belt given to her by Queen Hippolyta. By being mortal as Diana Prince she knows what women feel during the periods and the aches and pains but as Wonder Woman, she can never feel the pain or have a period...she is sinless and immortal.
ReplyDeleteUnder Homer Amazons were hunters and able to hunt for their meals....even Wonder Woman is an hunter...she can hunt deer, bear, fish etc....but here in USA she does not need a sword...she does needs her wits, her wisdom to put away the sword in her sword sleeve. She realizes all mortals are weak men, weak women in USA, she could conquer USA with her shear brawn alone then she be alone if she did this...her island is gone, Queen Hippolyta is a statue and her sister Amazons are snakes. She has to learn to be polite and show kindness to the weak mortals to have food and shelter or could be arrested and deported for waving a sword illegally in the USA...remember she is not an American Citizen and she entered the USA in her invisible jet or she fly over to USA by the power of Zeus.
As Diana Prince she knows what it is be plain Jane, looked down upon because she has to wear glasses, she has to apply her makeup if she wants to wear it and work at part time or full time job at minimum wage. As Wonder Woman, she is always beautiful, her hair perfect, goddess figure and perfect vision and beyond. She did not have work on the island capital Themysica...she had servants to obey her command. Her servants brought her food or she went hunting on wild hunt deer, bear, elk etc or she eats vegetables from her palace gardens.She has ambrosia the food from the gods to keep her beautiful and youthful...does not always bring eternal life...this is up to dear god Zeus her father.
Hi Stana,
ReplyDeleteWhat a dilemma. Compartmentalizing a life is not easy- it comes with its set of stresses.
If you have green light to work as a woman at work, why not think about renting a mid-way place where you can change to and from work and go to work as a woman? I totally respect your wish to maintain the status quo at home but you should think about satisfying your own needs as well.
Good luck! :)
Why all the discussion/debate over a cartoon character, a fictional character. Get real!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if superman and Wonder Woman got married, if they had a child, I don't know if I could deal with it. I thought only teen boys read or even cared about comics. Just saying.
If you need me I'll be at the mall shopping, you'll find in the woman's department.
Superman and Wonder Woman romance has been around since 1940s'....DC comics has never shown them getting married or even thinking they can have child...they are two different species...Superman is an alien...Wonder Woman is Amazon goddess...In 1982 Wonder Woman does marry Steve Trevor and had two daughters Lyta and Stephanie. Wonder Woman and their daughter Stephanie served in the war in Korea.
ReplyDeleteStana, you make a post like this maybe twice a year it seems. And each one shows that you are tilting a bit closer to being full time.
ReplyDeleteI finally made the leap last June (at age 32), and it has been amazing. The double life got harder and harder as I got closer to full time, but then the change was like magic. So much mental stress was simply gone in a puff of smoke. Knowing that I never had to go back to being that person was an unbelievable relief.
I know you have a big hurdle to leap over. But I'm going to echo Marci's comment. It's your life. You are literally making yourself sick for someone else's sake. It will be hard for them, but it's far harder for you. You probably have found lots of ways to cope, but don't think for a minute that you are suffering less than they will suffer if you transition.
Your blog has been a big help to me on a number of levels. I really look forward to the post where you finally announce you are taking the leap.
Stana, I think that U should wear anything that you are comfortable with and be all you can be. Don't let others keep you from doing what makes you happy. Be yourself and you go girl. Love, Ms. Stacey S.
ReplyDelete