Emily and Sheila asked related questions, so I will answer them in the same blog posting.
Sheila wrote, "When you go out en femme locally (outreach, group meetings, shopping, etc.) and have dressed at home and return home dressed, does your wife or daughter ever see you en femme?"
My wife and daughter often see me en femme when I go out.
Typically, my wife will give me the once over and note any issues with my outfit. In the colder weather, she invariably comments that I will be very cold because my outfits are skimpy.
On the other hand, my daughter always compliments me on the way I look.
Their reactions reflect their fashion sense. My wife is very practical in the way she dresses, whereas my daughter is a fashionista. Like father, like daughter.
Emily asked, "How do you maintain your relationship with your wife; she seems to be aware of Stana or do you have to keep it away from her? It seems from your blog that you do not dress at home, but you do have a huge closet of clothes; how does it work out?"
I do dress at home (to go out, not to hang around the house en femme), so my wife is very aware that I femulate. She would prefer that I did not, but she knows what I am and accepts it.
We three share the same walk-in closet; my girl and boy clothes share one rack in the closet with some spillage of my eveningwear to a second rack. My wife uses the other four racks.
Stana needs more space, but I do not want to encroach on my wife's territory. As a result, my boy wardrobe keeps getting smaller and smaller!
Actor Garrit Guadan (left) femulating on stage in Twist, 2007.
Wearing DailyLook.
Dear Stana,
ReplyDeleteThank You for answering my question. I am glad your wife and daughter get to see you when you go out and return as a woman.
I laud your wife's tolerance, since you say that she accepts your Stana persona (although she would prefer if you were not transgenerded). I applaud her love for you, and your love for her (by not transitioning, although you want to, for love of her). As I have shared with you in an email, I have 2 good non-op transsexual friends who would like to fully transition and live as the women they are 24/7 (like you), but do not because they love their wives, and the wives could not tolerate their transition.
Your daughter sounds like a lovely person, also. I'm guessing she really enjoys your feminine expression, and probably loves seeing you as Stana. I imagine she thinks you're a pretty cool Dad to share your femininity openly with her.
Love,
Sheila.
Sheila, thank you! the desire to be a woman, in my mind is also on the back burner compared to the life I have with my wife. And I know a lot of TS folk who do not agree. I simply am different as Stana and perhaps you. Transitioning isn't for everyone, and if it weren't for those damn gender rules (do we know who made them up?)People would be able to express themselves freely and at what ever gender shade they are at.. In my world it's feminine or masculine, Male and female is only that which is between your legs.
DeleteI echo Sheila's comments. It is nice to get some degree of acceptance from your wife. My wife is wonderful and I love her with all my heart and soul. She has slowly come to realize that my dressing is part of who I am although I know that she would prefer that I did not have a closet full of women's clothes and shoes that are several sizes to big for her.
ReplyDeleteIt has always been evident in your writings that you truly love and value your family. I feel the same way.
Pat
Stana, thank you for your insights on your wife and daughters position, sounds much like my granddaughter and wife's, Granddaughter loves and respects me as I am (must be the new genderation, Thank you new generation! lol) Your wife loves you as does mine. I'm sure they probably share similar views. I am also fortunate that Dee will "participate" but it's more often on done her terms. I am so glad that the respect you have for each other permeates through out your union! Which I guess asks the question. If I may, the reluctance of your wife to be "out" with Stana? Could it be soical pressure, what people would think of her? (it is with Dee) or something else? I don't want to sermise, but only say you have a loving wife, I only wish that she could see. find and share the joy of who you are.
ReplyDelete