While I was waiting for the drill to end, I was standing next to one of my fellow workers, who is gay. I mentioned to him that you do not realize how many people work for the other company until there is a fire drill.
He asked me if I had ever noticed the transgender person who worked for the other company. He added that the trans person was very tall, wore heels and did not pass.
I admitted that I had never seen her. And the conversation shifted gears.
Here are a few takeaways from that exchange.
1) My fellow worker used the word "transgender." It was refreshing to hear a civilian use the correct terminology. Perhaps, the fact that he is gay made a difference and/or maybe he used the correct term in deference to me, which brings up the second takeaway.
2) He knows I am transgender. (Ya think!?!) Maybe after my three Halloween at work en femme appearances, he put two and two together (or should I say, three and three). He was very good friends with a former employee, who I came out to. She was prone to gossip, so maybe she told him.
3) If he knows, I am sure other people at work know or at least suspect.
I don't mind or care who knows, but I am always curious about how people find out or figure it out.
Three femulators at a bar in Provincetown, Massachusetts, during Fantasia Fair in 1993.
Wearing Tahari Arthur S. Levine.
I know! You never really know who knows and who doesn't know - ya know?
ReplyDeleteWe are only fooling ourselves if we do not believe that everyone knows. While I was still working for an employer, there were persons and occasions that I came out, metered of course (I thought). Many of those persons I had come out to were friends and are still friends. It's been said to me, that most everyone at work knew, but because of the life that I was leading, (attempting to keep a lid on too much transgender in my professional doings) most respected my privacy and did not bring it up. Perhaps there was some innuendo, perhaps there was an anecdote, Perhaps a third person present conversation. But all in all, they knew, they respected where I would take things. Some were comfortable, and still are, some were uncomfortable. But most weighed where I was with what I brought to light. And acted in accordance. Your gay friend has you pegged. Open the conversation about who you are.. from the reading I have of you, you are a professional you are very good at what you do, you have humility and kindness. People do and will respect you for who you are, I can promise.
ReplyDeleteI would have to agree with Joan E Barette, we are merely fooling ourselves and sometimes that works out well and other times it doesn't! Keep doing what you're doing, Stana.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Joan, open the conversation.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I've just started working as the real me, and it's fabulous. It's so much easier to do my job when I can be 100% present.
Reading femulate has been an inspiration, so thanks for helping me get where I am!