I am learning that once you begin coming out, there is no end to it!Yesterday, the woman to whom I came out to last week suggested two guys I should come out. She was absolutely right and they both received my coming out e-mail this morning.
It went as well as could be expected! Both were supportive and one even said I looked "very attractive" in the photos that accompanied my letter! (The photo on the right is one of the photos that I sent with my e-mail.)
I am really amazed at the success I am having: not one discouraging word so far. Who would have thought?
I hope that I am finished coming out for awhile. Despite my success, it is also very stressful and I am very tired.
It is heartwarming to hear about the reactions.
ReplyDeleteHi Beautiful
ReplyDeleteYou are very pretty, not just
saying that to lift your spirits
or encourage you, but you ARE VERY
VERY,VERY PRETTY and the perfect
person to be an embassador for
CD's around the world. I know that
you have heard this before (but it
is really true) alot of US GIRLS
can't go out because there is no way we could pass so we live our
lives thru you. THANK YOU for
allowing us to do this.
All the sisterly love in the world
to you
lots of hugs also
Karen Marie
Well, it's actually too late to warn you, since you've already let that genie out of the bottle, but: People should really consider the advantages over the disadvantages of "coming out" when they have no intention of living full time, to go along with it.
ReplyDeleteI mean, really, what are you telling everyone that you know? You're saying, "By the way, I like to dress like a woman sometimes when I'm not at work."
Socially, it's not really useful information for your coworkers. It may seem like you're taking a worry off of you mind, and feel very liberating, at first, but eventually you may come to the realization that you have just shared a very personal part of your life with everyone, for nothing in return, and damaged your own reputation in the eyes of other, to absolutely no advantage.
What people say within your earshot at the workplace, and the way they deal with you face to face, can be quite a bit different from what people are saying and thinking about you when you don't notice.
I'm so happy for you - isn''t it wonderful!
ReplyDeleteTerrific pioneering stuff m'dear. Very proud of you and happy for you.
ReplyDeleteAnd what a nice thing for the people around you who get a chance to show that they do not have any useless hang-ups about things that do not change the essential "you".
Petra
Karen, Petra, and Anonymous X 2 --- Thank you for your kind words and support.
ReplyDeleteSo no thanks for Jamiegottagun who is conspicuously absent from the thank you's?
ReplyDeleteIs it because Jamie sounds a warning that, while very genuine and heartfelt, doesn't fit the "You go girl!" vibe you want?
It's a shame you seem to take offense by excluding her because she makes some very valid points. You have revealed a personal side of yourself for no real reason since you are not transitioning full time.
What you do away from work shouldn't be an issue to your coworkers and telling them makes you seem desperate for approval.
The bottom line is you have cast yourself as needing validation.
Jamiegottagun said: "I mean, really, what are you telling everyone that you know? You're saying, "By the way, I like to dress like a woman sometimes when I'm not at work."
ReplyDeleteSocially, it's not really useful information for your coworkers. It may seem like you're taking a worry off of you mind, and feel very liberating, at first, but eventually you may come to the realization that you have just shared a very personal part of your life with everyone, for nothing in return, and damaged your own reputation in the eyes of other, to absolutely no advantage."
I'm going to have to disagree... first of all, Staci voluntarily advanced the information. It's not unlike telling your wife or wife to be... far better to volunteer it than be found out. And Secondly, you used the term 'damaged your own reputation'. Until more of us are as confident of ourselves as Staci, and have a better self image, not considering being a CD as 'damaged'... then we are going to continue to be regarded along with the dregs of society. Go out... tell the truth.. give yourself permission.
"I'm a guy in a dress and I have to tell you... it's great fun!!"
One small step for men in dresses, one giant step for mankind!! You go Staci!!
Jamiegottagun --- Thank you for your thoughtful comments, but you don't know me, you don't know my intentions, you don't know what is going on in my life.
ReplyDeleteYou wrote, "Socially, it's not really useful information for your coworkers."
In fact, I only told two co-workers, our Human Resources representative and a very good friend. In both cases, my revelation was confidential. And with regards to my good friend, socially, it was very useful information because we now have plans to go out to dinner together with me en femme.
You also wrote, "What people say within your earshot at the workplace, and the way they deal with you face to face, can be quite a bit different from what people are saying and thinking about you when you don't notice."
Duh!
That's the case whether someone is cross-eyed or cross-dressed; it's what people do.
If someone loses respect for me because I am cross-eyed or cross-dressed, then it is no loss as far as I am concerned. Good riddance; I don't need or want respect from a closed-mind individual.
Staci's life, Staci's choices.
ReplyDeleteEven if she is doing what you believe you would never do in your own life, she still deserves support for her own choices.
That is, of course, if we want others to support choices we make that they would never make for themselves, support our choices that they find scary, incomprehensible or queer.
Yes, there is a cost to coming out.
But there is also a benefit.
While it's easy to imagine what bad things might happen if we do (heck, imagining bad things is what keeps most in the closet), we will never ever know the good things that happen until we do come out.
The history of those who have chosen to be more integrated & actualized in the world, dropping a shell persona to be more authentic tells us the power of revelation, to us, to others.
Your fear can easily tell you all the dangers.
Only your actions, though, can tell you all the delights.