mother's day thoughts

Mom died last summer. She was the most influential person in my life and influenced my penchant for crossdressing in a number of ways.

She was beautiful and did not need makeup. Lipstick, powder, and rouge were all she ever used. I know because I used to enjoy watching her put on her minimal makeup.

She always dressed like a fashionable lady and that was difficult to accomplish because money was tight when I was a kid. As a result, Mom sewed her own clothes, as well as clothes for my sister. I guess I was a little jealous of my sister and wished that Mom would sew something for me, but there were few sewing patterns for boys' clothing. However, I would have been perfectly happy if she sewed a pretty dress for me like she did for my sister.

My Dad was a great guy, but he was not around much when I was growing up. He worked all the overtime he could get to make ends meet. For a few years, he also had a second job. I can remember way back to my earliest memories when I actually thought that my father was a visitor because his appearances at home during my waking hours were so rare. So, during my formative years, Dad was at work, while my Mom was at home raising my sister and me.

Since I was raised in an environment where the father figure was absent most of the time, it is no wonder that I tended to follow in the footsteps of the only figure that was available to me, my Mom. As a result, I admired her and wanted to do the things she did.

To add to my confusion, Mom often commented that because I had such nice legs, I should have been a girl. If she had made that comment once, I probably would have forgotten about it, but it seemed to me that she made that comment whenever she saw my legs bare. Don't you think that may have influenced me?

She also made comments about the way I walked. She said I "tippy-toed," i.e., I walked on my toes. I assumed from her comments that tippy-toeing was not the correct way for a male to walk, but I did not know how to walk any other way. She never showed me how I was supposed to walk, so I just kept on tippy-toeing.

I don't tippy-toe any longer. As I grew older, I must have figured out how to walk like a man. However, all my early years tippy-toeing may have facilitated my walking in high heels because ever since I slipped on my first pair, I never had a problem walking in heels.

I always took after the maternal side of my family ("You look like your mother"). So, it is no surprise that when I dress en femme, I resemble my Mom.

I don't know if Mom knew about her other daughter. I suspect she did because once she let it slip out that she was aware of my secret stash of female paraphernalia, but except for that one time, she never mentioned it.

Anyway, Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

From your loving daughter, Staci.