Honey, I love to dress up

No, they are not your clothes!

By Brenda 

Years ago, and recently, I have had several close calls with getting caught with the bra in the hand. Naturally, I was shaken. It bothered me I could not ”be myself” even part time and I didn’t really want to transition anyway. I enjoy the hobby and “my alone time” too much but it has to remain a secret. 

These days it’s harder to be considered normal as a CD with all the negativity over Drag Queens and children story time and the manipulation of teens to transition quickly with puberty blockers. I knew in High School I was a boy and would remain a boy even if I enjoyed dressing up. 

My presentation today is totally different than when I had no money and I am working through understanding why I present myself as a middle aged business woman. I would enjoy my “work from hotel” as Brenda, writing reports, selling widgets and sending out emails for things to get done, and even visiting Target for pantyhose and press on nails en femme. Call these activities whatever you want but they are normal, safe and perfectly sane for those who enjoy it. Crossdressing is mentally a complicated mess of feelings and biases and fear of getting caught and widely misunderstood. Are you a crossdresser if you have a beard? Apparently so!

I am not indigenous, but I identify with the term 2S. Two-Spirit is a term used by some Indigenous North American cultures to describe a person who embodies both masculine and feminine spirits. It is not just about gender identity or sexual orientation but also carries cultural and spiritual significance. If I remove the cultural portion the rest of it makes perfect sense to me. I am comfortable in a male space and female space.

Crossdressers do not necessarily portray a specific sexual identity. Crossdressing is about clothing and personal expression rather than sexual orientation. A crossdresser can be of any sexual identity—straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, or asexual. If the man doesn’t wear an outfit from head to toe (with or without make up) then I would say he isn’t that into crossdressing. 

Some crossdressers enjoy it as a hobby, a form of self-expression, or as a way to explore gender presentation, but it doesn’t automatically mean they identify as transgender or have a particular sexual preference. It’s important to separate gender expression (how someone presents themselves) from sexual orientation (who they are attracted to). This is important to understand and I am still processing what it all means as I desire and continue to be attracted to women.

I had read some articles on how to tell your wife. I had heard and witnessed similar scenarios with my friends where the husband confesses to being gay, or cheating but none with wearing a dress. I have my suspicions and maybe one day the question will be asked during coffee or maybe hinted in a joke or two.

I found an article I had written for when the time came to be open, honest, transparent and ready to save my marriage over a dress. I was hoping this would help soften the pain I am causing her. I don’t look better than her in a dress, far from it, but I can wear 5 inch heels and she can’t and I do feel passable. There are others in Femulation Nation that do a better job at presentation and have a more natural feminine body. I have to work a lot harder to camouflage my maleness.

Honey, you are not alone and neither am I!

How to Cope with a Crossdressing Husband

Discovering that your husband crossdresses can be a surprising revelation. You may never have envisioned him wearing women’s clothing or applying makeup, and it’s natural to feel a mix of emotions. However, it’s important to remember that he is still the same person you married. If you're struggling to accept this aspect of his identity, this guide will help you understand crossdressing and why some men are drawn to it.

Things You Should Know

Many men crossdress to express their femininity or simply as a hobby.

Crossdressing does not automatically mean your husband is gay or transgender; it is separate from sexual orientation and gender identity.

Have an open conversation about boundaries and how openly he intends to cross dress.

What is Crossdressing?

Crossdressing refers to men wearing women’s clothing, accessories, or makeup. Some men dress in women’s clothing daily and in public, while others do so privately or only on occasion. While this may be new to you, crossdressing is relatively common, with estimates suggesting that 2% to 10% of men in America engage in it regularly. I bet if you look around the table at the next sales meeting, knowing that your husband is not alone, there are a few in the lot that enjoy dressing up and in fact I bet one of the men is wearing a bra and panties right now.

Many men experiment with crossdressing at a young age and continue if they find enjoyment in it. While traditionally associated with men wearing women’s clothing, women can also crossdress by wearing traditionally masculine clothing in public or private settings.

For many men, revealing their crossdressing can be stressful due to societal biases. If this revelation impacts your relationship, it's normal to feel uncertain—we're here to help you navigate it and answer some questions. Many crossdressers are in it for the chance to express their femininity and not for sex with men as you will be surprised how many are attracted to women while dressed as women. They would love nothing better than to go to the mall and shop. These crossdressers identify as lesbian to put it the simplest.

Most of the time they enjoy dressing up in private, alone in their thoughts, and just enjoy expressing a side of them that brings calmness, peace and joy.

Why Some Men Crossdress

“It makes them feel more feminine.”

Many men crossdress to connect with their feminine side, breaking free from societal expectations of masculinity. Much like wearing perfume or painting nails, crossdressing can be a way to express oneself and feel more balanced.

“They like how they look.”

Just as people enjoy dressing up for themselves, some men crossdress simply because they appreciate how they look in women’s clothing.

“They do it for fun.”

For some, crossdressing is a hobby, much like fashion, makeup, or woodworking. It can be an enjoyable and creative form of self-expression.

“It’s a sexual kink for them.”

For some men, crossdressing is sexually exciting. If you are uncomfortable with it in the bedroom, you have every right to express your boundaries, just as he has the right to his preferences.

I think that many men that are exploring kink or sexual fetish use women’s clothing, hosiery and of course shoes. They are driven with a sexual desire that is focussed on the object itself as opposed to wearing the actual object. A more intense relationship with a shoe for example would be the fact of wearing them for sexual thrill as well as the object itself. I don’t really see that as crossdressing unless they wear the shoes with hosiery but then again it may be sexual. 

Does Crossdressing Mean My Husband Isn’t Straight?

No. Crossdressing is independent of sexual orientation. Many heterosexual men crossdress and maintain loving relationships with their wives.

Does Crossdressing Mean My Husband is Transgender?

No. Crossdressing does not necessarily indicate a desire to transition. Your husband may simply enjoy dressing in women's clothing while identifying as a man. However, for some, crossdressing can be a step toward exploring their gender identity. Only your husband can determine that for himself.

Setting Your Own Boundaries

“Talk to your husband about what you’re comfortable with.”

It's okay to feel overwhelmed. Take your time to process and set boundaries that work for you.

“I’m okay with you crossdressing at home, but I’d really prefer if it was done in private and without me.” 

“It’s fine if you crossdress, but I’d rather you not borrow my clothes or makeup.”

“Please do not create a problem leaving the house as Shirley and making the neighbours curious.”

“Crack on with the frocks, mate, but you’re still bunking in with me. And blimey, how do you not just look like a geezer in a dress?”

“Ask your husband how open he’s going to be about his crossdressing.”

Some men crossdress only in private, while others do so daily. Understanding his level of openness can help you set mutual boundaries.

“Discuss whether or not to talk to your kids (if you have any).”

If you co-parent, you may need to decide whether your husband will crossdress in front of your children and how you will explain it to them.

“Let your husband know what you’d like your sex life to look like.”

If crossdressing in the bedroom makes you uncomfortable, express your feelings openly. You are entitled to your boundaries just as much as he is.

Supporting Your Husband

“Encourage him to express himself.”

It’s okay if you need time to adjust, but showing support can strengthen your relationship.

“Look into groups or communities he could join.”

Finding supportive communities can help your husband feel accepted. Search for crossdressing groups in your area or online.

“Let him talk about women’s clothing and fashion with you.”

Your husband may have been waiting for years to share his interest in fashion with someone. If you're comfortable, engage in these discussions. However, if you ever feel overwhelmed, gently set limits.

“Honey, I love talking about shoes with you, but can we discuss what our plans are for dinner?”

Crossdressing can be a complex topic, but with open communication and mutual respect, you can navigate this journey together. Your relationship is built on love, and this new aspect of your husband’s identity doesn’t have to change that.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Martin West, Steven Rogers and Aaron Kincaid femulating in the 1965 film
The Girls On The Beach.

Afterburn!

By Norah Blucher

No talk of cheap vodka shots today and no, I did not do a bad bikini shave. No, I’m referring to military jet engines of all things. Now you may be wondering what the bloody hell the testosterone inducing thrust of a jet engine has to do with femulation, but all I can say is that sometimes my femulation takes me to unexpected heights.

I recently wrote about being mistaken for a flight attendant and though I found it right flattering, being a flight attendant is not exactly something I ever thought about. Truth be told, at one time little Norah actually wanted to be a fighter pilot! Yes, when Top Gun came out it had me convinced that was what I wanted to do. I also wanted to be a girl and I do not think at that time many militaries allowed women to fly and certainly not combat missions. At my young age though, I do not think I recognized the two as mutually exclusive.

So not long ago, I found myself back in Hartford, Connecticut, with some time to burn on a Saturday afternoon and decided that the New England Air Museum was a great place to go because every girl wants to get dolled-up and look at a bunch of planes, right? LOL 

I have to say I actually hesitated a bit in the parking lot. I’d been here once before and had not noted a lot of women, but I decided why not and headed into the danger zone. 

Turn and Burn!

I bought my ticket from two younger GGs at the front desk and entered the first of several large hangers that compose the museum. The first containing military aircraft of all sorts: modern fighters, WWII bombers and an impressive array of helicopters, too! It had actually had a few additions since I had been there last (en homme) and I was glad I went. Looking around I noted mostly blokes or females with families, but no one seemed to notice a lone female.

At one point I found a display with a training cockpit off to the side that was there for people to actually climb in. Undeterred and with no one else around, I climbed in!

Talk to me Goose! Ace Norah Blucher, flying the not so friendly skys, looking for bogeys.

Now before anyone gets too excited, I’ll just say I was dressed very casually on a rainy weekend afternoon. I wore some flared jeans with a wool bell sleeve sweater and some low block heeled Mary Janes. Still a right bit dressier than most of the females in their sweatshirts and sneakers, but still under the radar and blending. Note that I had been here before and my memory served me correct in recalling lots of metal staircases to climb up and look inside planes, hence jeans it was and those shoes are notably quiet. I recalled the concrete floors and open hangers and though it would have sounded amazing in court shoes, I was not looking to be a display myself.

Exiting the cockpit, I saw a young family approach and a young girl ran up the stairs and dove into the cockpit having the time of her life. I was looking at the neighboring display and as I went to leave, I walked past the mother of this girl and jokingly noted that she should be careful or her daughter might leave with a whole new career idea.

The mom then got a very excited look on her face and said how wonderful that would be! I laughed and found it refreshing that she clearly had no misgivings about her daughter doing something like that and would be so supportive. Perhaps I was born just a bit too early.

What Would You Wear on Mars?

I’ve wondered from time to time what to wear out to here or there, but never actually thought about what to wear to Mars. The question was answered for me though, in addition to many others in the newly constructed “Women in Flight” display in a corridor between two hangers. It was set up as a very interesting timeline of female pilots with a focus on women from New England.

I had not been there long when an elderly woman approached me and asked if I had seen this before. Noting I had not, she then asked if I wanted a tour and I agreed. So we went on a little tour where she explained all the displays to me, emphasizing the importance of each to the history of females in flight.

It was not lost on me how she kept referring to “us,” as in fellow females, making statements like “back then we would have faced scrutiny if we wanted to do this or that.” She was being inclusive for sure, which I appreciated, though I must admit it made me feel a bit guilty, too, as I could easily go about the world disguised as a male if I wanted. As a femulator, I face a discrimination that is not all that different though, and just accepted her inclusiveness as a great compliment!

The two things I found most interesting were the displays of female advertising that depicted female pilots as the rock stars of their day, promoting everything from hosiery to cigarettes. The other was a small card – one of the first pilots’ licenses issued to a woman, signed by one of the Wright Brothers! My tour guide explained that he (I can not recall if it was Orville or Wilbur) had refused to give instruction to her or any other female, believing women should not be pilots. He was however the representative in the states for an international pilot organization and as an issuer of licenses, felt it his duty, his own beliefs aside, to issue a license to a female if she obtained the proper instruction elsewhere.

At the conclusion of our little tour, my guide admitted she was a former school teacher and had no knowledge of any of this before starting this job a short while ago. She asked how she did and I told her she did a lovely job and was a smashing tour guide. With that, she threw her head back and laughed, noting she just loved the word smashing, LOL.

Before entering the next hanger, I also strolled through another room dedicated to the Polish pilots who escaped Poland after it fell to the Nazis in WWII and then flew with the British Royal Air Force. It was an impressive display for sure with British and Polish uniforms, models of Super Marine Spitfires, Hawker Hurricanes and even an actual Rolls Royce Merlin engine from a Spitfire! This was also the engine that made the American P-51 Mustang the famed aircraft it is known as today. It was actually a rather sub-par plane until they put a Rolls Royce engine in it. 

Anyway, it all made me think of Stana, too, and her family being from Poland and I certainly hope she gets over to see all this, if she has not already. Perhaps she can go en femme, and get a tour from the lady who guided me!

Come Fly the Friendly Skies

The next hanger consisted of all things civilian – non-military, not non-femulators, LOL. Early wooden planes, older commercial aircraft and whatnot. The star of the hanger was a massive, restored flying boat. The type of early aircraft that could cross oceans and though unaffordable to most, paved the way for transcontinental flight. It really was impressive and had seats that looked way more comfortable than anything we get today. They even folded down into beds, the flight to Europe or Asia taking quite a bit longer than today.

What a glamourous way to travel, as I imagined myself (in true Elise fashion) wearing a vintage skirt suit, dressed to the nines to travel across the pond as women of that era did. Perhaps I’d have a really nice flight attendant like Julie Shaw, in her “Betsy” flight attendant outfit and thought what a marvelous time we would have chatting away on such an adventure.

Fat Man and Little Boy

I’m not referring to an odd father and son here. The last hanger left the friendly skies behind and housed a B-29 Super Fortress of atom bomb fame. There were a few smaller planes as well, but the B-29 was the star of this hanger, complete with bomb loading apparati, and models of atom bombs. It was right fascinating for sure, but also had a very ominous feel to it as well.

(Note in my pictures that I’m on balconies giving you a full view of the hanger, but you could in fact walk very close to the displays, a few letting you go inside.)

There was also a door in this hanger that led to an outdoor area containing more planes of various sorts. It was a rather cold, rainy, winter day, so I did not venture out, but made a mental note of this and will use it as an excuse to go back in warmer weather.

I Didn’t Fly Totally under the Radar

Though I did my best to blend in and largely did, I guess I did not go entirely unnoticed. On my way out, I took one last stroll through the first military hanger, passing by two chaps about my age or a bit older. As we passed, one of them stopped and pointed at me, my heart skipping a beat, before he blurted out that he really liked my necklace. I thanked him kindly and he then fiddled with a chain around his neck, pulling out a cross and explaining he had a necklace, too, which his pastor had given him.

I noted that his necklace was lovely as well and also noticed that the other bloke was just shaking his head with a smile, as I caught on that he was this chap’s chaperone. I hope I do not sound horrid or anything, but I got a little nervous at this point. I feared nothing from either of them, but have spent some time working with this cohort before and always noted their complete, though often refreshing, honesty. 

Remember that this was a few months ago, when I had not been out and about very long and though spreading my mighty wings, I was still a bit nervous out in the world. I was sort of waiting for him to ask why I was dressed as a woman or why I had a girl’s necklace. My fears were totally unfounded, however. He just kindly jabbered away until his chaperone came over and pulled him away telling him to leave the nice lady alone. I waved goodby, but not before he pointed at my feet and said he liked my shoes, LOL. I think I made a friend or gained an admirer, but I found the whole encounter very sweet.

Coming in for a Landing

On my way out, I made a quick trip into the gift shop. It was mostly toys and children’s things, but way in the back I discovered shelves of older used books. And cheap! Row upon row of books about planes for only a few dollars each! I wanted to fill a bag, but finally decided to get just one that depicted hundreds of photos of “nose art” from WWII bombers.

Such a great day and I was so glad I went. Despite committing a few infractions of the rules, Kelly McGillis sadly did not chase me out of the parking lot and take my breath away, but it was still exciting nonetheless.

I’ve long noted the number of readers here on Femulate who have a military background, so I hope you enjoyed the strange connection here with planes and femulation. And if you’ve ever wondered where you can femulate or are growing tired of the mall, give a not so common place a try. I’d been to this museum once before and returning en femme, had a completely new and different experience. More and more I find myself not looking for places to go or things to do en femme, but rather just doing what I want to do or where I would normally go, just en femme. My femme side is sort of becoming part of my life, not just an alternate and separate thing I do.

Anyway loves, questions and comments are welcome below, or you can email me at nblucher at-sign proton.me.

Wearing Lamarque

April Jones

That Time of Year

This is not an April Fools’ joke: I have a number of higher priority tasks to complete, so the blog’s schedule will be erratic for a few days.

This is an April Fools’ joke:

Wearing Boston Proper

B. Scott